5 traits of Narcissism in Relationships

Narcissism can be a tricky thing to navigate in any relationship. It’s not just about someone being self-centered or arrogant there’s much more beneath the surface. 

Narcissism, especially when it comes to relationships, can deeply affect how you and your partner interact, often in ways that leave you feeling confused, drained, and unsure of what to do next.

At its core, narcissism involves a pattern of behavior where one person places their needs, desires, and self-image above all else. 

When these traits enter a relationship, they can skew the dynamics, making it hard to maintain a healthy, balanced connection. 

You might find yourself constantly walking on eggshells, trying to avoid conflict, or feeling like your needs always come second.

Understanding these traits is crucial if you’re in a relationship with a narcissist. It’s not just about knowing what narcissism is, but recognizing how it plays out in your daily interactions. 

With this knowledge, you can better navigate the complexities of your relationship, set necessary boundaries, and protect your own emotional well-being.

What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)?

So, what exactly is Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or NPD? Think of it as narcissism on overdrive. 

NPD is more than just someone who loves to post selfies or enjoys a bit of praise. It’s a serious, diagnosable condition that goes beyond typical ego.

People with NPD have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. 

But here’s the kicker—they often have a fragile self-esteem underneath it all. This combination can create a toxic dynamic in relationships.

Now, it’s important to draw a line between someone who occasionally shows narcissistic traits and someone with full-blown NPD. 

We all have moments where we might act selfishly, but with NPD, these behaviors are persistent, extreme, and affect all areas of a person’s life. Recognizing this distinction is crucial, especially if you’re navigating a relationship with someone who might have these traits.

When you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, it can feel like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster. 

Narcissists often follow a predictable pattern, starting with what’s known as love bombing. 

They’ll shower you with affection, attention, and compliments, making you feel like you’re the most important person in the world. But this phase doesn’t last.

Soon, the love bombing gives way to manipulation and gaslighting. They may twist situations to make you doubt your own perceptions, making you feel like the problem is always with you. 

This is followed by devaluation—suddenly, you can’t do anything right. The person who once adored you now criticizes everything you do.

These patterns aren’t just random behaviors. They’re deeply ingrained in the narcissist’s psyche and often happen without them even realizing it. 

This makes it incredibly difficult to break the cycle, especially when the narcissist doesn’t see a problem with their behavior.

Here’s the million-dollar question: can a narcissist actually change? The short answer? It depends, but you shouldn’t pin your hopes on it.

Let’s break this down. Narcissism isn’t just about someone who’s a bit self-centered. We’re talking about deeply rooted patterns of thinking and behavior. 

These patterns have often been part of the narcissist’s life for years, maybe even their entire life. 

Changing that? It’s like trying to bend steel with your bare hands—possible, but incredibly difficult.

First, the level of narcissism plays a huge role. Not everyone with narcissistic traits has full-blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). 

Some people might just have a few narcissistic tendencies—they might love being the center of attention or have a bit of an inflated ego. 

These people might be more open to change, especially if they see that their behavior is causing problems in their relationships.

But when you’re dealing with someone who has NPD, it’s a whole different ballgame. For them, narcissistic behaviors are like concrete—they’re solid, set, and nearly impossible to change. 

These individuals see the world through a lens that distorts reality to always put them on top. They genuinely believe they’re special and deserving of admiration, and they have little to no empathy for others. 

Trying to get someone with NPD to change is like asking them to fundamentally alter who they are at their core.

Here’s another critical factor: the narcissist’s willingness to recognize and address their behavior. This is where things get tricky. 

Narcissists are notorious for lacking self-awareness. They don’t see themselves as having a problem—in fact, they often think the problem lies with everyone else. If a narcissist can’t even admit they have an issue, how can they possibly work on changing it?

But let’s say, by some miracle, they do recognize their narcissistic tendencies. Maybe they’ve hit rock bottom, or perhaps they’ve lost something they truly valued—a relationship, a job, their social standing. 

In this rare case, a narcissist might become motivated to change. They might realize that their behavior is driving people away and that they need to do something about it.

Even if a narcissist decides to change, true transformation usually requires professional help. We’re talking about therapy, and not just any therapy—intensive, long-term therapy. 

The narcissist needs to work with a therapist who specializes in personality disorders and who can help them untangle the mess of thoughts and behaviors that define their narcissism.

But here’s the thing: therapy isn’t a magic bullet. It’s a slow, difficult process, and not every narcissist is willing to stick with it. 

The process requires the narcissist to dig deep, confront uncomfortable truths about themselves, and make a genuine effort to change. Many simply aren’t up for the challenge.

Now, let’s talk about the kind of changes you might actually see. In some cases, a narcissist might alter their behavior—temporarily. They might become more attentive, more caring, more in tune with your needs. 

But here’s the catch: these changes are often skin-deep. The core narcissistic tendencies are still there, lurking beneath the surface, ready to resurface at any moment.

These superficial changes can be deceiving. You might think the narcissist has turned a new leaf, only to find that, after a few weeks or months, they’ve slipped right back into their old ways. The love bombing, the manipulation, the gaslighting—it all comes back.

So, should you wait for a narcissist to change? The honest answer is probably not. Change is incredibly rare, and even when it happens, it’s often not permanent. 

You deserve to be in a relationship where you’re valued, respected, and loved for who you are, not just for what you can provide to someone else.

If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, the best thing you can do is focus on yourself—your own well-being, your own happiness. 

Set boundaries, seek support, and don’t be afraid to walk away if the relationship is causing you harm. Remember, you can’t change a narcissist, but you can change your own life for the better.

The Role of the Partner: What You Can and Cannot Do

Being in a relationship with a narcissist is like walking a tightrope—one wrong move, and everything can come crashing down. 

You might feel a deep urge to help them change, to be the person who finally “fixes” them and brings out their better side. 

But here’s a hard truth that’s crucial to understand: you cannot change a narcissist, no matter how much you love them, how patient you are, or how much effort you pour into the relationship.

Narcissism isn’t something that can be cured with love, patience, or understanding. The desire to change must come from within the narcissist themselves, and even then, it’s a monumental task that often requires extensive professional help. 

Trying to “fix” them is like pouring water into a bottomless pit—it’s exhausting, and it leads to frustration, heartbreak, and often, a sense of personal failure. 

You might find yourself trapped in a cycle of hope and disappointment, believing that if you just try a little harder, things will get better. 

But in most cases, the toxic patterns persist, leaving you feeling drained and unfulfilled.

So, what can you do? You can set clear and firm boundaries. Boundaries are your lifeline in any relationship, but they’re absolutely essential when you’re dealing with a narcissist. 

Without boundaries, a narcissist will push and push until your needs and well-being are completely overshadowed by their own. 

Boundaries help you protect your mental and emotional space, ensuring that you don’t lose yourself in the relationship.

Setting boundaries is not about changing the narcissist—it’s about protecting yourself. It’s about deciding what behavior you will and won’t tolerate and being prepared to enforce those boundaries, even if it means walking away. 

For example, you might decide that you won’t tolerate verbal abuse, manipulation, or constant criticism. 

If these behaviors occur, you must be ready to take action, whether that means stepping back from the relationship temporarily or ending it altogether.

But enforcing boundaries can be challenging. A narcissist might resist, push back, or even try to make you feel guilty for putting yourself first. 

They might accuse you of being selfish or uncaring, trying to manipulate you into dropping your guard. 

Don’t fall into that trap. Remember, you have every right to prioritize your own well-being. 

Your mental and emotional health are just as important as theirs—if not more so, considering the toll a narcissistic relationship can take on you.

It’s also important to recognize your limits. You’re not a therapist, and it’s not your responsibility to manage the narcissist’s emotions or behavior. 

Focus on taking care of yourself. This might mean seeking support from friends, family, or a professional counselor who can help you navigate the challenges of the relationship. 

It might also involve taking time for yourself, engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment outside the relationship.

If you find yourself constantly exhausted, anxious, or unhappy, it’s a sign that your boundaries may not be strong enough—or that the relationship itself is taking too much of a toll. In some cases, the healthiest choice may be to leave the relationship altogether. 

This can be a difficult decision, especially if you’re deeply invested or feel a strong connection to the narcissist. 

But remember, your happiness and well-being matter. You deserve a relationship where your needs are met, where you feel valued, and where you can thrive.

In the end, being in a relationship with a narcissist requires a clear understanding of what you can and cannot do. 

You cannot change them, but you can protect yourself. You can set boundaries, seek support, and prioritize your own well-being. 

These steps are not just about surviving in the relationship—they’re about ensuring that you maintain your sense of self, your dignity, and your happiness, no matter what the narcissist does.

READ: Red flags on a first date

The Impact of Narcissism on the Relationship

Being in a relationship with a narcissist isn’t just challenging—it can be downright damaging to your emotional and psychological well-being. 

The effects of narcissism seep into every corner of the relationship, often leaving you feeling like a shadow of your former self.

One of the most common impacts of being with a narcissist is a plummeting sense of self-esteem. 

Narcissists are skilled at making everything about them. Over time, you might start to believe that your needs, feelings, and desires don’t matter. You might begin to doubt yourself, thinking you’re not good enough, smart enough, or attractive enough. 

This erosion of self-worth can have long-lasting effects, even after the relationship ends.

Narcissistic relationships often follow a painful cycle: hope, disappointment, and then hope again. It’s like being on an emotional rollercoaster. 

There might be moments when the narcissist seems to change—when they’re kind, loving, and attentive. 

You start to believe that maybe, just maybe, things will get better. But inevitably, the old patterns resurface, and you’re left feeling disappointed and hurt all over again.

This cycle can be incredibly draining. It keeps you stuck, clinging to the hope that things will change, while deep down, you know they probably won’t.

Constantly walking on eggshells around a narcissist can lead to serious mental health issues, including anxiety and depression. 

The unpredictability of their behavior, combined with their lack of empathy, can make you feel like you’re always on edge. 

Over time, this can take a toll on your mental health, leading to feelings of helplessness, sadness, and even hopelessness.

Being with a narcissist can feel like an emotional minefield. One moment, they’re showering you with affection, and the next, they’re criticizing or ignoring you. This push-pull dynamic can leave you feeling emotionally exhausted, unsure of where you stand or what’s real. 

It’s not uncommon to feel isolated, as the narcissist may try to cut you off from your support system, leaving you more dependent on them.

Understanding the impact of narcissism on a relationship is crucial for protecting yourself. 

If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, it’s important to recognize these effects and take steps to prioritize your own well-being. 

You deserve to be in a relationship that lifts you up, not one that drags you down.

Strategies for Coping and Protecting Yourself

Dealing with a narcissistic partner is no easy feat, but there are strategies you can use to protect yourself and maintain your sanity.

First things first: boundaries. We’ve talked about them before, but they’re so important that it’s worth repeating. 

Setting boundaries isn’t just about telling your partner what’s acceptable; it’s about creating a protective barrier around your emotional and mental health. Be clear about your limits and be prepared to enforce them. 

If your partner crosses a boundary, there should be consequences—whether that’s taking a step back from the relationship or, in some cases, considering whether the relationship is worth continuing.

Don’t try to go it alone. Being in a relationship with a narcissist can be isolating, but you don’t have to face it by yourself. 

Reach out to friends and family members who can offer support and perspective. Sometimes, just talking things through with someone who understands can make a world of difference. 

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, consider seeking help from a therapist who can provide professional guidance and coping strategies.

There’s no shame in walking away from a toxic relationship. If you’ve tried everything—setting boundaries, seeking support, encouraging change—and nothing has worked, it might be time to consider whether this relationship is serving you or hurting you. 

Leaving a narcissist isn’t easy; they might try to manipulate you into staying or make you feel guilty for putting yourself first. 

But your well-being should always come first. Recognize the signs that it’s time to leave, and don’t be afraid to take that step if it means protecting yourself.

When you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, it’s easy to lose yourself in their demands and drama. But self-care is non-negotiable. 

Make time for the things that bring you joy and relaxation—whether that’s spending time with loved ones, engaging in hobbies, or simply taking a moment to breathe. Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s essential. 

The stronger you are mentally and emotionally, the better equipped you’ll be to handle the challenges that come with being in a relationship with a narcissist.

Making Informed Decisions in a Narcissistic Relationship

Navigating a relationship with a narcissist is incredibly complex. The emotional highs and lows can leave you feeling confused, drained, and uncertain about the future. 

But by understanding the nature of narcissism, recognizing the impact it has on you, and implementing strategies to protect yourself, you can make informed decisions about your relationship.

Remember, change is possible, but it’s rare and often requires professional help. If you’re finding it difficult to cope, don’t hesitate to seek support. 

Whether you choose to stay and set boundaries, or decide that it’s time to leave, the most important thing is that you prioritize your well-being.

You deserve a relationship that’s based on mutual respect, love, and understanding. Don’t settle for less.